Captive Life

Ok, so I know I'm not doing a good job keeping this up-to-date. But I've been super busy recently. I promise I will update about the bf...soon. ;)

For now, I found this poem I wrote, titled "Captive Life," when I was really struggling. It was a very difficult season of my life, one where I was much more apt to despair than to trust God. While writing it I remember wanting to leave it on a hopeless note, which is how I felt. But I couldn't. Knowing the Truth, I decided to end it like the Psalmist - believing in faith that there is One Who WILL lift us from the pit. I didn't see how back then...but now, His hand was all over me. Hallelujah!

Captive Life
Silently, quietly, it comes.

From where exactly, I do not know.

But it is there – from deep within;

The pain pushes, always pushes,

Begging for freedom.

And yet…

There is no freedom, no release.

As the silent screams erupt,

Suddenly I am drowning…gasping…drowning.

The pain has once again turned on me,

Becoming enemy–never friend,

And it pushes back inside

Squeezing through every pore and blocking

Sweet, precious air, until there is

None.

And then, just as I sink below –

Deep under the pitch-black sludge of agony,

The rain comes.

At first it seems my rescuer.

My starving mind gasps for the

Delicious thought that I will be saved.

But it is not to be.

The beguiling smile of the soothing downpour

Rips off its mask and pierces like

A thousand knives, sharpened to perfection.

As they stab my skin, driving me down,

All thoughts of sweet salvation are

Gone.

Realization sets in, dawning upon me,

As awareness settles over the prey

That soon

His predator will win and feast upon his kill.

Now emptiness–black, nothing, numbness–

Intoxicates as resignation falls upon me…

And I surrender.

One last breath and it will be done,

No more torture or despair

To endure, to bear.

But then…

The darkness that defined black itself

Was suddenly divided

As Light ruptured through

And began its liberation.

Gradually, gently, yet with all authority,

Light released me from the surrounding

Filth–the mire that had nearly got victory.

Lifted onto Solid Ground,

Hope is infused into each part –

Healing every wound, silencing screams…

Restoring to praise and tears now of joy.

(Psalm 42)